Article by Markup on 12/04/2000.
Jack Frost originally came with a hologram cover similar to this. Click on the image to see a full-sized version.
Genre: Horror (Slasher). The serial killer comes back from the dead with super-powers and dismembers. Yada yada yada.
Rating: R. Not for little kids, girlfriends, or people that get scared while watching Scooby-Do.
Nudity: 3 (Partial). There is a brief scene in which a woman's chest can be seen for about 2 seconds.
Sex: 4 (Hardcore Sex/Rape). There is a single rape scene in the movie.
Violence: 4 (Blood and Death). It is a HORROR MOVIE, FOLKS! What do you expect?
Cult Factor: 4 (Extreme Cult Factor). This is a film about a POSSESSED SNOWMAN THAT KILLS PEOPLE! If they had spent a few more dollars on special effects instead of stunt-men, this would have rated a 5 on the cult scale, making it on-par with the Evil Dead trilogy.
In the Beginning...
Once, long ago, a young child was traumatized by a snowman. When? We're not sure. How? We don't know. But the results of that incident and the years of mental anguish can be seen in the movie Jack Frost. Released in 1996 (two years before the Michael Keaton family film of the same name), it has slowly grown into a cult classic that no fan of the genre should miss. Of course, if you're too cheap to part with $3.00 to rent the video at your local Blockbuster, you can READ ON and see what happens. We promise not to spoil the ending on this page...
The line should have been: "Eh.. what's that, you say? A giant truck filled with experimental chemicals is right in front of us? Nah! I think it is just a mailbox. Let's hit it!"
The movie begins with a prison transport truck driving through a blizzard in order to get to the execution chamber. Apparently, the death house is kept on the opposite side of the state from the prison so that the inmates can have one last scenic drive an hour before they die. The evil villain being transported is none other than...
Is it just me, or does this guy look like Bruce Campbell's evil twin?
..our buddy Jack, the serial killer! And now, the prison truck is driving him right through the small county where he was captured! Jack, slightly ticked, kills the guard in the back of the truck with him. And just as the madman's spirits begin to soar.. BAM! The prison transport truck smashes into another vehicle that is filled with experimental chemicals! Jack is covered in the goo and melts.
The experimental chemicals bond with the ice and Jack's molecules to form... a really bad animated sequence.
But HE ISN'T DEAD! Yes, we were all expecting the villain to die within the first 5 minutes of the film (thus leaving us with an hour and 55 minutes of credits), but the writers decided to go a different path and turn him into a giant snowman! After scaring (but not killing) one of the remaining guards, Jack disappears in his new form. The FBI and the local sheriff search for his remains, but nothing out of the ordinary is found. The sheriff (who incidentally caught Mr. Frost to begin with) is disturbed by the incident, but never the less returns to town.
And what a town it is! Right across from the local hardware store is where the annual snowman building contest is being held. We get to meet some of the locals like Jill, the nymphomaniac, and Tommy, the horny son of the hardware shop owner. But before things can get too boring..
Tommy teaches us that the best way to pick up chicks is to make "snowmen" with HUGE breasts on them. Girls, apparently, can't resist seeing a young man fondle snow-boobies. Here we see Jill testing out Tommy's workmanship for herself.
Jack Frost - The Early Years. With each murder, the snowman becomes a little more powerful.. and often adds items to his wardrobe.
..an old man is found dead! Frozen solid with a look of horror on his face, he is the first of "NewJack's" victims. And he might have even been the last, because Jack becomes friends with the Sheriff's son when the young lad decorates Jack (adding a carrot nose, coal eyes). We see the rage leaving the mutated serial killer until a local bully comes along..
A bully has desecrated Frosty! SOMEONE'S GONNA PAY!
..and decapitates the snowman! NOOOOOooooooooo!!! Jack, now once more feeling the anger he had tried so hard to deny, begins his killing spree anew. First it is the bully that decapitated him (Jack alters the snow so that a sledding accident results in the boy getting decapitated). Then there's an old man who gets slashed up while trying to chop some firewood. And an old woman that is tied up in her Christmas tree lights like some sort of Satanic Christmas decoration. And on and on and on. All of the inhabitants of the town go to a meeting except..
..Tommy and Jill! The Nympho decides it would be a good idea to sneak into the Sheriff's house and have sex with The Horny Pimple-King. So they get inside, start fooling around, and then Jill decides she wants a fire and a bottle of wine. Tommy, being the slave to his hormones that he is, decides to go along with the plan and gets to work. Jill goes up to take a bath, which leaves Tommy all alone downstairs...
Jill seductively removes one of her gloves for Tommy. If you know the rules for horror movies, you know what will happen next...
What profound dialogue do Tommy and the snowman exchange? Click on the image to find out!
..or is he? Too late, he learns that ol' Mr. Frost is coming for him! And in a scene that takes the $1.99 special effects budget TO THE LIMIT, icicles shoot out of the oven mitts that are supposed to be the snowman's hands AND KILL TOMMY! NOOOooooooooo!!! That of course, means that Jill is now all alone..
Uh.. where's the carrot nose? Click on the image to enlarge the picture.
..and gets to have what is probably THE WORST sex scene in the history of movies. Yes, she gets raped to death by Jack Frost. And no, you probably shouldn't EVER watch this movie with your girlfriend if you want her to build a snowman with you again. But if you think having sex with an over-grown Slush-Puppy is messed up, you should see the "Wow, that was a great orgasm" look on her face right before she dies. Can you tell this movie was written by a man?
Thus ends the first part of our article on Jack Frost. If you'd like to see the rest, click on the link below. WARNING - the next page WILL contain the ending; don't click on it unless you WANT TO KNOW HOW THE MOVIE ENDS.
CONTINUE ON TO THE END OF THE ARTICLE
Dirty Trick: The next time you are in the movie rental store, switch the tape for the 1998 family movie Jack Frost with the 1996 horror movie we just reviewed. Just think of all the enjoyment little kids will have when they see THIS movie instead of the boring Michael Keaton film with the Hanson soundtrack. I'm sure their parents will thank you for it (if not press charges against you).
Related: The film Uncle Sam was done later in a similar fashion. Uncle Sam attempts to take another "friendly icon" and turn it into a horror movie, but doesn't do nearly as good of a job. It does have Isaac Hayes in it, though! Hayes and his "Crazy Kids" lines make it seem like a live-action South Park episode, minus the talking poo. It is available on Video and DVD.
Sequel: Jack Frost 2 - Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman. A review of this will be coming soon, but you can buy it now on Video or DVD.
VHS Video version of Jack Frost.
The superior DVD version of the movie.